You'd like a title to this post, wouldn't you?

Some people laid a crown of thorns upon my head today. No lie. Actually, that is a lie. It happened fuckin' months ago, in Richmond. Now I'm in Tbilisi. Breakdown of the history of the Caucasus impending. At some point.
Comparisons (its a huge logical gap for all of them. Feel free to add your own in the comments. The more obscure the better):

Diogenes = GG Allin

300 Argavi = Spartans at Thermopylae

Irakle II = Blackbeard (Both got wounded a bunch and kept fighting)

Mile = 1.6 kilometers